What Everyone Wants (But Few Have)Jan 14, 2023
Read time: 3 minutes
Many crave it.
And it's considered the most attractive trait a person can have.
If you're lacking it, you'll:
Struggle taking risks.
Waste time overthinking things.
And have difficulty attracting + enrolling clients.
What is this magic quality? Confidence.
For many, they're unfortunately stuck in a "I'll feel confident when" trap. It's a feeling they believe they can only have at a future date once they've achieved X.
Can I let you in on a secret?
I've done hundreds of disco calls with coaches who are looking to grow their business and attract more clients. For most of you reading this, I've spoken to someone who is further ahead on their journey than you. A person who has accomplished what you'd currently say you need to achieve so YOU can feel confident.
But when I probed that person on their goals, why they're important, and what they'll feel once they've achieved them, guess what they said?
They'd feel confident.
That means for most folks, the idea of confidence is always just out of reach. It's an illusive thing they might flirt with, but never fully unlock.
So how the heck can you change this and start feeling more confident now?
The answer lies in flipping a marketing trope on its head. You've probably heard this before: People need to know, like, and trust you. Your clients need to know like, and trust you.
I won't argue that people need to know, like, and trust you to work with you. Especially in the world of coaching. But let me ask you this....
Do you know, like, and trust yourself?
Do you truly know what you stand for? Do you know your values? If push comes to shove, what's really important to you?
And if you say it's family, do your actions match?
Do you like yourself? Can you look in the mirror and say you love who you see? Even if you don't fit into your old jeans or the hair on your head doesn't grow anymore?
Have you forgiven yourself for your past mistakes?
Do you trust yourself? Do you keep your word to yourself? If you make a promise, do you follow through?
Do you honour your word?
How do you ever expect to have others know, like, and trust you if you don't know, like, and trust yourself?
Here's where it gets fun...
When you have this inner knowing, liking, and trusting with yourself you feel unstoppable. You tap into deep unwavering confidence that isn't dependant on you achieving the next thing. It's true confidence.
Here's five things you can do right now to begin knowing, liking, and trusting yourself:
Determine what you stand for by completing this exercise.
Start writing morning pages. It's a practice created by Julia Cameron where each morning you dump your stream-of-consciousness with pen on paper. The goal is to fill three pages everyday.
There's no structure.
It can be recounting your dreams, writing a to-do list, itemizing things that are frustrating you, explaining what you currently see when looking out the window. You can write anything. There's no wrong way of doing this.
The magic in this practice comes from pushing yourself to complete the three pages no matter what.
Having this simple daily practice was key in giving me the clarity and confidence to quit my six-figure role and go full-time with coaching.
Make a list of all the people in your life that you hold any grudge, anger, or resentment towards. One by one, work your way through the list and write each person a forgiveness letter. Itemize all the ways they upset, hurt, or angered you.
Hold nothing back.
Express anything and everything that you've never told them. You're not giving them this letter, this is a private exercise for you. Let it all out.
Then forgive them fully.
Let them know that you are not holding any of this against them any longer. Let them know that you're no longer going to let them or these feelings hold you back in any way. You're forgiving them and setting yourself free in the process.
Make a list of all the grudges, frustrations, disappointments, and resentments you have with yourself. Use the model above to write yourself a forgiveness letter. Set yourself free.
Begin making and keeping daily promises to yourself. Start ridiculously small and work your way up. Examples: I'm going to write down three idea bullets for next week's newsletter, I'm going to do three push-ups, I'm going to follow up with one person.
Now go start knowing, liking, and trusting yourself more so you can feel genuine confidence now and help more people.
When you're ready, here's two ways I can help you:
1. Individual Coaching + Mentorship. Inquire to work with me 1:1 (next opening Feb 2023): here.
2. Get my best-selling book, Die Before They Do, here.
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